The Tragedy of Memory Loss

Not all Folks of African descent in America grew up in fatherless homes or without positive male figures consistently in their lives. My father, married to my mother for 30+years, raised us, loved us and taught us. My grandfather, married to my grandmother, raised lived and taught their 8 children. It must be said, unapologeticly, Black men do love and take care of their children.

I Feel Like Bustin' Loose, Bustin' Loose!

(Oops, this was August 4th, forgot to post the next day)

Wow! Last night I went to the 2012 Summer Spirit Festival. As always I was energized by the show! I swear that drum beats are better than any medicine or therapy I could find. I barely sat down all night! As always Common's set was HOT! Not only has he maintained his "Terminator" physique, his lyrical abilities n. Hailing from the South Side of Chicago, mother's birthplace Common is one of the greatest in my book. I was thrust back into the feelings I experienced when I first fell in love with Hip Hop. I remember getting goose bumps the first time I heard the last line in " I Used to Love H.E.R". I remember singing " Come Close"with my eyes closed over and over,  and Jade and I dancing as hard as we could in the living room to Universal Mind Control."

Erykah, Erykah, Erykah...what can I say? She is very...unique. This sista's voice still gives me goosebumps! Its was an immensely gratifying experience to see her live and sing along to every song! I had forgotten how much I have really listened to her over the years. Songs like, "On and On", "Next Lifetime", "Didn't You Know".

Such a great show!

Befriending the Past

For so long, the past was my enemy. The enemy that I fought hard to leave behind, forget, and move far away from. Today was a day when the mirror of my life was painfully pointed at my past. I watched as the person I was struggled, and failed, stumbled and fell. Its amazing how even the very recollection of facts of situations past can thrust you back in to that world, feeling, seeing, hearing  the same way you did then. In this state, I struggled to keep a steady grip on myself stepping back from the mirror, reminding myself that it was indeed a mirror, and not live reality. Those steps back were just the medicine I needed to heal just a little bit more. I looked at myself today, and I could not help but to give gratitude to God, and to be proud of myself for getting to the other side of that mirror. Today I realized that I was no longer just a survivor and that I am not my story. The pain may never completely disappear, the scenes will probably make an appearance in my mind from time to time. I must say, I am truly relieved that they are just scenes from the past  and only in my mind. Today I had to befriend my past. In order to make and maintain peace with my past I had to develop a new relationship with it. This relationship can not be adversarial, it would keep me stuck and and forever the victim. Today I took the past and made a new friend. We re-introduced ourselves, we have so much in common. We both knew we were inextricably tied for life to each other, besides we have so many things in common.

Beasts of the Southern Wild Part 1

So last night my birthday outing plan was for Jade and I (and her great friend Jordan) to meet up with friends an go see Beasts of the Southern Wild at the E Street Cinema. My sister hipped my to this film, and she and I almost always like the same movies for the same reasons. So I was really excited to go. Unfortunately, like is all too often the case, I was late, and then of course there was that great downtown DC parking experience, so I was ridiculously late. Needless to say, I did  actually sit down in the theater until an hour into the movie. A few people said they really hated the movie, and were even offended and disgusted by its content. Their comments were around issues of race and poverty as depicted in the film. Even in just watching the last hour, I didn't get any of that AT ALL. I immediately felt as though I was in a magical fiction novel where every actor, conversation and event was not understandable from our world view or reality. It was like a movie based on a book we'd read in a high school English class and dissect for underlying  meaning and subtext. Needless to say I am compelled to go see this film from the beginning today! Part 2, coming soon...

To What Am I Saying No...

Today is my 33rd birthday! I feel slightly different, but in a really good way! I woke up feeling like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. This year has proven to be the ultimate "boot camp" preparing me for the next phase in my life. A wise woman told me a few weeks ago, as I attempted to understand why I struggle so much with certain decisions, and how to make better decisions. To this she very lovingly but directly told me to ask myself, "If I say yes to this, to what am I saying no?" Amazing, it clicked! Unsurprisingly, as I looked at what I considered some of the most damaging decisions of my past, overwhelmingly the "no" was me. I realized that I had spent 33 years saying no to me, and yes to everything and everyone else. All of the "yeses" were not always wrong, but I should have taken care of me first. Waking up with this phenomenal tool in my toolbox, lifts that incredible weight. I no longer have to struggle so hard to take care of me, as long as my decisions do not say no to me, my values, beliefs, goals, comfort, and ultimately my happiness. Happy Birthday to ME!